Victim of Lies
by DammitKendizzle
Summary: "... what I see now doesn't tell me you've changed one bit. How could you of lost yourself after I left? You had lost yourself long before that, you lost yourself the day you decided that shoving a needle in your arm was better than dealing with real life..." Kames oneshot with mentions of Kogan. Mentions of alcohol, drug and physical abuse.


**Hello readers! ****I came up with this while listening to Mr. Lonely by Akon, this kinda just popped in my head even though it's not really related to the song xD** I know you're probably thinking "Why the hell is she writing something new instead of updating!?" Well, I'm writing this to try and get back into my flow of writing because I can't write at all lately! I've been busy with school and honestly that has drained all life from me. Anyway, thank you if your still with me and interested in my stories. Thank you soo much guys!

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The tall brunette stood out in the cold, across the street from the local bakery as he always did. It was like a routine, everyday he couldn't help but pull on a coat and race to the local business. It was almost an automatic response to park across the street and stare into the windows. He couldn't stop himself from stating at the tall, slender, blonde man as he cleaned the table tops and prepared to lock up.

James just need to feel the touch of his smooth skin on his fingertips. Needed to feel his lips slowly moving rhythmically along with the blonde's. He needed the hot breath against his neck as he explored the younger mans body, as he touched his most sensitive places. James just needed to feel Kendall again, have him again to love and hold.

Yet, even though he knew he couldn't, he still tortured himself by consuming his thoughts with the green eyed wonder.

The brunette frowned, he was done staring at the gorgeous man from a distance, hoping that maybe he'd notice him and come talk to him. He zipped up his coat and made his way across the road, catching up with the blonde who'd just closed shop. He slowed his pace as he finally edged near the man, calling out his name.

"Kendall...," James said painfully.

It had been almost a year since that name had left his lips.

Kendall immediately froze as the sound of the similar voice hit him. He listlessly turned, looking at the man who spoke his name. The blonde stared at the brunette, taking in his appearance. He looked pretty much the same, except for his shorter hair and black circles forming under his eyes. Yet, something seemed different about him, almost as though it wasn't the same man he once knew.

"James," Kendall finally said, forcing a small smile.

The taller man stepped closer, but immediately stepped back as he saw the blonde flinch from how close he was getting. Kendall eyed him, relaxing some as James backed away. It'd been years but he hadn't forgotten the man. James cleared his throat before continuing the conversation.

"So... uhmm, how have you been? You look great," James said.

"Thanks, I've been pretty good, how bout you? How have you been?"

"Not to good...," he said honestly, earning a almost guilty look from the blonde. He paused for a second before laughing some and forcing a slight smile," Anyway, what have you been up to?"

"Nothing much just running the bakery..."

The two continued with their small talk as they started walking along the icy concrete sidewalk. James smiled as Kendall filled him in on the past year of his life. He couldn't believe how happy Kendall had become since he left. Even though the younger man wasn't his to love he still wanted him to be happy. Kendall came to a sudden stop and the brunette gave him an odd look.

"This is my new place... it was good talking to you and catching up, but I sho-..."

"Can I come in?, James asked, his eyes almost pleading for Kendall to say yes.

"Well, I- I should...," Kendall stuttered. He never was able to resist him, even when they we're together, he just couldn't say no to James Diamond,"Yeah, I mean cause it is pretty cold and stuff..."

James face lit up as Kendall lead them in to the apartment. He looked around, taking in the numerous guitars and framed posters that decorated the apartment., " You can take a seat, I'll be back in a second."

James sat on the couch and grinned as the similar scent surrounded him. It was amazing, yet bitter sweet. He couldn't believe he was here, sitting in the home of the man he missed so desperately. The person who had consumed his every thought that he had. As he continued looking around his eye caught hold of a frame standing on the table, he slowly got up from the cough an d made his way to examine the picture. As the image became clear he regretted his decision to investigate the frame.

James felt his stomach turn as he stared at the picture he held in his hands. A brunette man, with spiked hair, a few inches short than Kendall stood behind him. The man's arms were wrapped around Kendall's waist, holding him as the blonde buried his face into his neck and the brunette kissed the top of his head. He knew who the brunette man was, he was the valedictorian of his class, Logan Mitchell.

He tightened his grip on the framed as he looked at the picture. James jumped slightly as the wood cracked, then set it back down before returning to his spot on the sofa. His mind was racing and he was heated. How dare Logan fucking Mitchell touch _his_ Kendall! Who the fuck did he think he was?

"Sorry about that," Kendall said as he walked back into the living room in a new change of clothes,"I hate those damned uniforms."

James couldn't help but stare as his eyes wondered over the younger mans body. The black jeans hugged his legs, his plaid shirt barely wen't past the top of his jeans. The curve of his hips; his smooth, pale hips we're all that James could think about. The pale hips that would writhe in pleasure as he would move his body against the shorter man, as he positioned himself at hi-

"Uhm, James?", Kendall said, shifting uncomfortably as the older man stared hungrily at him.

"Oh, oh! Sorry... uhm, it's no big deal. I was just looking around your apartment some."

"Yeah," he laughed, taking a seat next to the man on the couch, "Anyway, where were we before I-..."

James quickly pressed his lips against the blondes, his hands reaching for the silky skin right away. Kendall went to push the man away, but his body melted as James moved his lips to his neck. James attacked his lips once again, forcing his tongue inside the blondes mouth, exploring every inch as he laid Kendall beneath him. The brunette pulled away when the need for oxygen was becoming overwhelming.

"I missed you so much, Kendall."

"I missed you too, Jamie," he said, before the hazel eyed man captured his lips for another kiss. James moaned, unbuttoning the plaid shirt and trailing kisses down his chest. James moaned against his stomach, looking up at the blonde.

"I'll make you feel so much better then Logan ever could...," James groaned before reaching down to undo Kendall's pants.

Kendall grabbed James hair and pulled him up, while sitting himself up as well.

"No... no no no, I can't do this James, I can't!," Kendall stood up, buttoning his shirt.

"Why not?"

"Because I'm with Logan!"

"So? Kendall, I love you, I love you so much."

"I'm with Logan! Logan loves me! I love Logan. I can't do this to him James, I can't!"

"But I'm lost with out you!," James said, he looked at the ground, then back up at the green eyed man his voice raising with every word, "I need you Kendall! I've lost myself since you left! I'm a broken man without you, I need you!"

"You were a broken man when I was with you and now you are broken with out me!"

"Kendall, I need you to be with me. I love you!"

"James, I- I just don't know what the fuck is wrong with you."

"Look, I know I made a mistake, the biggest mistake of my life I've ever made. I'll never forgive myself for letting you go. I love you more than anything, more than anyone, I lost myself completely after you left. I can't forgive myself for choosing the drugs and alcohol over you and I can't take it back, but I've changed Kendall. God damn it, I've changed!, " James yelled, crashing his fist into the wall next to him.

"Really James? Really!? Cause what I see now doesn't tell me you've changed one bit. How could you of lost yourself after I left? You had lost yourself long before that, you lost yourself the day you decided that shoving a needle in your arm is better than dealing with real life! And you obviously still can't deal with them," the blonde screamed, glancing at the scars and fresh marks from the self injections before pushing the brunette away from him.

"No, Kendall," James said, backing the shorter man against the wall. The looked at him, their faces only centimeters apart, "I..."

"Get the fuck off of me!"

"Kendall!"

"No, I don't care what you-"

"Kendall, listen to me, god damn it!," he screamed in the blonde's face.

"I don't want to hear what you have to say, you are a piece of-"

"You're not listening!," James raised his hand, bringing it down hard against Kendall's face. Kendall looked up at the bigger man, tears falling over the brim of his eyes and streaming down his face. James instantly regretted the action and brought his hand up to wipe away the tears, the tears he'd caused.

"Baby, baby, I'm so sorry. I love you! I love you... so much, I didn't mean to hit you, I-I... Kendall..."

"You don't love me," he sniffled, bringing his hands up to wipe away the tears.

"I do baby, and I know you love me too. I can see it in your eyes, so why can't you just admit it to yourself? Logan can never love you the way I do, he just can't give yo-..."

"Logan never hit me...," Kendall sobbed, not even looking at the man pinned against him.

"I... I didn't mean too, I'm sorry!"

"You always said that, always. Nothing ever changed when you promised you would stop. I've always just been the victim of your lies. You promised you would stop using and drinking and hitting me, but you didn't... you haven't. ," the blonde whispered the last few words.

James backed away, looking at the shivering boy shocked and hurt at the same time. He was becoming the same person all over again, the same person he swore he'd never become. The person he convinced himself he would abandoned so he could have Kendall once again. But he was still here, he was always there. Buried under a year of desire to change, but not making the effort.

"I'm so sorry, Kendall. I'm sorry...," James said, but this time the sorry's weren't just for hitting him. They were for everything. Every pain he'd put the man through, the drugs, alcohol and the abuse. The endless screaming, fighting and hitting, this was why Kendall left in the first place.

"Please, please, just go James..."

"Okay," the brunette said, grabbing his coat and walking towards the door. He stopped before reaching for the knob, "Kendall... I love you. I really do... a-and I hope Logan doesn't treat you and put you through hell like I did."

He opened the door and took a deep breath before closing the apartment door, leaving the blonde alone in the room with sound of his sobs.

**...**

The tall brunette stood out in the cold, across the street from the local bakery as he always did. He wiped the tears from his eyes as he watched the blonde lock up and walk home to him apartment. The apartment where he would have a wonderful man greet him and love him. A man that would take care of him and never lay a hand on him.

The brunette sighed, then walked in the cold back to his home, waiting for tomorrow to come so he could watch the blonde again.


End file.
